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P.S: This post was inspired by a post I read on AMAZONIAN NAIJA QUEEN’S BLOG, it just hit me that we are all guilty of this and the last time someone asked me questions pertaining this, I answered in a way that I became ashamed of myself. I also have to stress that this post is not to criticize anyone or even Amazonian naija queen but to advice us all; thank you.
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I have often wondered why people have dreams, expectations that are simply not feasible, realistic but idealist at best. Let me explain it to you the best way I can.
Everyone has dreams, list of how they want their partner to look or the qualities they expect for the person to possess; he must be tall, handsome, generous; she must be pretty, sexy, humble, gentle, the list could go on indefinitely.
Sure we’ve all done it at one time or the other but guys, ladies it should not be a must have list! Have you ever thought or asked yourself if you actually meet same criteria or if you are THAT PERSON’ s type too? You do not want to think about that do you? So if everyone chooses the handsome guy or pretty lady with all the supposedly right qualities then just so you know, right back at you, are you sure you are same?
Have you ever asked yourself whose type you are?
Oh I’m sure some people would say – ‘go for what you believe in, whatever you want’ or they would say ‘they would pray and God would answer their prayers and give them whatever they ask’ Granted; but I tell you, have you not noticed that there are times God does not really answer your prayers the way you would want because they are totally unreasonable and at best, frivolous; they are not His wish for you. When you keep hounding God and He obliges you the so called partner, you’re happy. When he/ she starts to misbehave you blame God; now I must ask; why should you?! You made your bed, lie on it!
If you go for the guy/ lady and succeed, it would always be on you to make it work with the ‘special person’ making no effort at all and worse still if the so called ‘ perfect dream person’ is aware of his/ her power over you, the blackmail starts because of your one sided feelings.
Grow up everyone! Try not to see life through a maze, be realistic and never ever lie to yourself.
There was this guy asking me out, he really did like me I’d concede to that but he went about it the wrong way. Anyway, when this issue came up, he said I’m his type and I’ve got the right features at the right places and blah! I asked him about the girl he was rolling with and he said:
“She knows the deal, she’s short, too short for me amongst other things; I’ve told her I can’t marry her, she’s not my wife material, the one I have in my head that I’d love to settle down with”
“But you’re sleeping with her” I say;
“Of course I am, she’s crazy in bed and I love that, but she’s not my type, outside of the bedroom”
I was not surprised to hear him say that but I wasn’t impressed either;
“Have you considered if you are my type? If, Infact, you are what I want?” I asked him-
He had no answer to that and I didn’t even expect him to. The fact that you want a particular person does not make you the person’s type and that is the whole essence of this post. I just hope that I made my point and we don’t make mistakes please okay? Because it won’t be nice if we do. Let’s just try to look at the big picture and not be myopic.
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Thats true oooo.. and somehow we do it unconciously…we get drawn to a certain 'type' over and over again.An we wonder why we dont get better results.(Insanity= doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results)
You got it there girl! You just got my drift.. Thanks for understanding..How are you? Hope your day went well?
good point o,.. the big picture sld never be out of focus/…
Applause…thank you sooo much…everyone is just being selfish and thinking about themselves…they have a list of things they want in a partner n most of the time they dont possess those qualities themselves…
@ Olu Simeon.. Yeah, that's the point.. Thanks for visiting my blog.. @ Sisi Yemmie, Lol, You're so funny in every word you use..But yet that's one serious problem you recognised.. Thank you so much for coming..
I agree that the big picture is very important but we should also improve ourselves and know what we want.
Excellent points. I, too, was the picky and unrealistic type back in the day. It really helped to take a serious look at myself and acknowledge that I was missing out on some great potential friendships at the least. This statement "Let’s just try to look at the big picture and not be myopic." sums it up perfectly.
true trueu just got me thinking this morningbut does this mea we should settle for what we dont like or just manageam asking?
Quote: “But you’re sleeping with her” I say;“Of course I am, she’s crazy in bed!”Well you gotta like the guy's bluntness!He should score points for honesty-at the least!lol.Yeah,you raise solid points there friend.Initial emotions are fleeting and completely unreliable. I usually try2 picture worst case scenerio of the person's future character and question, could i still live with that??
@ Myne, Yes we should but in doing that, we should be realistic too.. How you doing?@CurvyGurl.. Thank you so much dearie! 'Sup with you? You chosen what poem you want to use yet?@BBB, Oh dear, I didn't mean it that way; You can't settle for less, Just be happy an satisfied with your choice.. What I want you to grasp out of this is, do not go looking outside when the one for you is just beside you.. All, 'cause you're after a type or some sort of way 'love' is supposed to be okay.. Hope you good?@T-Notes..You know? I knew you were going to love that part, Bad boy!I'm in support of the question you ask yourself.. I should adopt it too, lol..
Valid points girl……but then…the guy comes out to you that he's sleeping with her, plus she's crazy in bed????????He's sooo not anybody's type..plus he's a dork! why would a guy say those stuff to a gurl he's parroling??????? If na him paddy, then i concede, we talk about all kinds of stuff as guys, but his 'future babe'? I don't Understand!
2cute, you've hit the nail on the head. We should always look at the bigger picture. I've already told Ore, my son, don't get intimate with any woman you cannot think of marrying. It's about being responsible and sensible, and doing the right thing.I actually think men should be more careful on this issue cos if they simply sleep around and the woman gets pregnant, that's their child, whether they like it or not. And if they simply wash their hands off that responsibility and think they've gotten away with it, God will surely judge and punish them.
Well thought out post, BTW.Well done:)
Smart response to a stupid statement. It just goes to show how selfish the dude is…if all he thinks about is his own spec and doesnt give a thot to ur own spec, then he's just plump selfish!Besides Ive come to learn a good lesson about setting perfect specs – its crap. Most times you'll never get that spec and if you do, you'll get a flaw that will kill your desire for it.Imagine a guy meeting with the perfect spec: a slim, well endowed beauty only to discover that she has halitosis…
@ WildBoy.. Lol, I'm shocked you find this guy's actions shocking..I love honesty in a guy even if it makes you seem revolting…I actually advocate it in the male folk.. However, why try to nice up what would ultimately come to light? and what if the girl eventually doesn't like it, then what's to do with time wasted huh?@Niajalines… Thank you, Thank you so much for seeing my point dear.. @Afronuts.. Lol.. Don't let me choke oh.. I'm actually eating while replying.. Your point is duly noted though..